The world has made small but mighty strides towards inclusivity, and language plays a big part in that.
We鈥檝e become rightfully aware of the importance of not labeling people, as everyone has the right to self-identify as they please and use validating pronouns.
Whether you want to brush up on your knowledge or are new to adopting them, this piece is your guide to gender neutral pronouns and how to use them.
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The list above are common gender-neutral pronouns.
While she and he are considered gendered, some nonbinary people use them because they don鈥檛 feel attached to the gender typically associated with them.
Someone will typically share their own pronouns but, when it doubt, you can simply refer to someone by their name.
In English, "He" is often used as an automatic fill-in for generic individuals.
"He" and "she" are also two extreme binaries that don't leave room for other gender identities, which can be hurtful for transgender, nonbinary, and gender queer communities.
Ultimately, you probably don鈥檛 want to make incorrect or hurtful assumptions about someone鈥檚 gender 鈥 they could be agender, nonbinary, or uncomfortable identifying with 鈥渉e鈥 or 鈥渟he.鈥
Gender-neutral language ensures your sentences are inclusive of everyone. But, when in doubt, refer to someone by their name rather than "him" or "her.鈥
"" is one of the more common gender-neutral pronouns, and it's easy to incorporate into your daily conversations. Here are some examples of how to use it:
Let鈥檚 go over some examples of how you鈥檇 use other pronouns in conversation.
Upon first meeting someone, most people agree it鈥檚 best not to outright ask for pronouns because someone may feel like you鈥檙e assuming their gender identity. In some cases, it may put someone in a situation where they have to out themselves but don鈥檛 want to or aren鈥檛 ready to.
Instead, introduce yourself with your pronouns: "Hi, I'm Caroline, and my pronouns are she/her." With this, you're allowing the other person to share theirs, but not forcing them to.
If you do ask, there are ways to do so respectfully. For example, in a work meeting, you could say, 鈥淏efore we start, I鈥檇 like to go around and share our names and pronouns if you鈥檙e comfortable sharing.鈥 Then, people have the option to share or not to share.
During a one-on-one conversation, you could introduce yourself and share your pronouns first or say, 鈥淲hat are your pronouns?鈥 or 鈥淐an you remind me of your pronouns?鈥
You could also include your pronouns in an email signature, social media profiles, or professional pages.
If you don鈥檛 ask for pronouns, it鈥檚 best to default to addressing someone by name. While many people consider they/them to be a gender-neutral option, some people may feel misgendered by it.
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Despite the popularity of the term 鈥減referred pronouns,鈥 it can be alienating as it can imply someone鈥檚 gender is a preference.
As mentioned, you don鈥檛 always want to ask someone about their pronouns and can instead share yours first. But, if you are asking, you can say any of the following instead of 鈥減referred pronouns鈥:
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People might use multiple pronouns, like she/they or they/hirs. If someone shares that with you, they might also say they鈥檙e more comfortable with one over the other, or they鈥檇 like you to vary the pronouns you use in conversation.
That may seem challenging, but you鈥檝e likely already done it before. For example, 鈥淗e was late to work yesterday, so she had to lead the meeting.鈥
An example of how this would look in a conversation with someone using multiple pronouns is, 鈥淪he went to the doctor because their cough hadn鈥檛 gone away for a few days.鈥
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An honorific or title describes someone's position in life or professional settings. Mrs., Mr., and Sir are examples of common honorifics, and there are gender neutral variations of them that someone might use:
Not everyone chooses a gender neutral honorific, so it鈥檚 best to follow their lead. If they share one, use it; if they don鈥檛, you can avoid using one entirely.
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Some people won鈥檛 want to call attention to someone making a mistake, but others will appreciate you correcting people for them. If you have more of a relationship with the person who is misgendered, you can ask them directly what they鈥檇 like you to do, or you can say something like: 鈥淸Persons name] uses [pronoun],鈥 and then continue the conversation.
If you don鈥檛 know someone's preference and still want to support them, you can make sure you use the right pronouns if you talk about them. For example, if someone says, 鈥淗e made an excellent point,鈥 you could say, 鈥淚 agree ze did make a good point.鈥
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There are some cases where there is no need to ask for pronouns at all. For example, a brief encounter with a server at a restaurant doesn鈥檛 necessarily require knowing their pronouns, which is why defaulting to calling someone by their name is considered a best practice.
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Everyone makes mistakes, and this holds true for pronouns. If you slip up, the best thing to do is acknowledge it immediately, say, 鈥淪orry, I meant to say [pronoun],鈥 and move on. If you realize after the fact, you can do the same thing but still keep it brief and move on.
On the other hand, making a mistake and then continuing to bring it up or say that it鈥檚 hard to remember can make someone feel awkward and like they鈥檙e a burden for having pronouns you鈥檙e not familiar with.
Be okay with making a mistake and committing to learning from it.
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